the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
