i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
