How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
