I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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