You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You may now shotgun with the bride
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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