This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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