he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
