I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
