Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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