I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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