just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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