Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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