when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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