Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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