not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
