my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
