Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My vagina just recognized that song.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You can't just leave with hair like that
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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