i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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