Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
