This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
