dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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