Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
