my soul wont recognize me after tonight
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
