I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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