remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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