There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize