Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
