Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
