I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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