Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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