Just fell off a train. Bad.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
