Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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