She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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