if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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