He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
