I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
