i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
