Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
