i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
