maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
