I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
