Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize