True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
