She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize