Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
