He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
