I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
