just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
