We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
