i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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