he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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