im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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