you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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