what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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