it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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