dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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