I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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