We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
