She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
