Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
