how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
