I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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