he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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