just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Is it because I queefed?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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