Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
