I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
