a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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